Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Dear Diary,                                           

     I'm so tired of the noise. The constant ringing, dinging, buzzing coming through my phone. Each ring or ding notifying me that there is another need. Or a comment. A question. A new picture posted. I am over connected. I love people so much! I love interacting, sharing, responding, helping, engaging. It feels wrong to disconnect myself from everyone but it feels so needed. 

     Tonight I cleared my phone of anything and everything except 'the phone.' I want to go back to simple. Not that long ago there were days when I would sit in Andy and I's first apartment, pull up the kitchen chair to our phone (that was attached to the wall) and talk to the friend on the other end. I had no cell phone, no computer, no email. I honestly cannot remember how I functioned. It was not that long ago but it seems like ages. How did times change so drastically and so quickly? 

     I'm scared to disconnected. My days will look drastically different without the continual interruptions. I'm going to need to completely retrain my brain. I'm sure I will pick up my little pink phone often to check for messages, snapchats, voxers, repins. Only to remember all is quiet again. I hope I can do this. I need to do this. My soul has been craving it for a long time. 

     I'm craving time to think my own thoughts. I'm craving the continual conversations I have with Jesus when I'm not so 'busy.' I'm craving the joy I get from watching Oliver giggle when he dumps the bucket of water over his head in the bath tub. I'm craving the feeling that creeps into my heart when I water my flowers. I'm craving the people I love the most. They so often take the back burner to whatever notification comes across my phone. 

   Here's to change. A fresh start. A quiet day. I feel relieved already. Scared. But relieved.